We're a Jif family, but it wasn't always that way. We used to be a Skippy family. I think I remember how it happened...


Back in the day we all ate Skippy. Perhaps that was because a 40-pound drum of Skippy was available at Price Club for $1.03, but we'll never really know for sure. A few months ago we performed a double-blind experiment to see which was best. (Double-blind... Read it and weep!) It was Skippy vs. Honey Roasted Skippy vs. Jif vs. Safeway, all creamy style. The unanimous decision was that Jif won, and by lot. Honey Roasted and Safeway tied for a distant second, and plain Skippy landed in an even distanter fourth. The difference wasn't as noticeable in sandwiches, but Jif still dominated.


And so now we're a Jif family. I sometimes meet people, friends even, who still worship at the altar of Skippy. I try to show them the way, but they don't listen. No, Jif won't ensure you a good reincarnation. No, Jif didn't die for your sins. But try it, you might like it.

Edited to fix typos that a meaning-checker would catch but a spell-checker can not.


Anonymous turtle bro said...

My guess is you didn't mean that 'Jif was dominated'?

I still haven't figured out why peanut butter should have non-peanut ingredients in it, with allowance made for salt. But since I mainly used in in sandwiches, that doesn't really matter anymore.

3/05/2006 10:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Alter means to change something.

Altar means an elevated place or structure before which religious ceremonies may be enacted or upon which sacrifices may be offered.

3/05/2006 11:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mr. Turtle's birth family ate peanut butter made only of smashed peanuts, occasionally with salt. When did he stray?

3/05/2006 7:35 PM  

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